Self-help guide to navigating senioritis

Julia Wallace, Guest Contributor

Some say they’ve had it since freshman year, others claim it didn’t hit until recently. Regardless, the epidemic known as Senioritis has been ever present within the halls of the ETHS community. Symptoms include, but are not limited to: laziness, lack of studying, and an indifferent attitude regarding most everything. Patients have also reported being prone to repeated absences or tardies and the inclination to only dress in sweats or pajamas.

However, there is still hope for a cure. After hours of research and lab trials, a singular phenomenon remains. A concept labeled as “Graduation” has reportedly been able to alleviate the most intense feelings of Senioritis. Be wary; the process, while recording a high improvement rate, also comes at great risk. A trip must first be made to a slightly isolated location where a ceremony is due to take place. Upon arrival, you will be seated amongst patients you may recognize, and some you claim you’ve never seen. Your parents are likely to be observing from afar, making sure everything goes as planned in the midst of chaos.

What will take hours will most likely feel like days, but when your name is called and you’re handed a diploma and newfound sense of responsibility, you’ll have made it successfully to the other side. Recovery is different for each given individual. Some prefer the company found within weekend social gatherings, featuring chips and salsa, others enter a state of comatose for undetermined stretches of time.

The promise of a long summer preparing for whatever change is to come after “Graduation” has been a major motivating factor for most patients to stick out their journey. Evanston Township High School Class of 2018, I will see you on the other side.